There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
