Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
