Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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