too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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