i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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