The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
