dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
