do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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