She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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