Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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