Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
