I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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