what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
