YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
