im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
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fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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