I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize