How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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