oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
