The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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