bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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