Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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