You just made me feel so damn special
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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