if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
