I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
