go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
