New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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