If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
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