dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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