Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
