Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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