I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
