im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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