ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
