I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
