Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
