ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
