I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
