Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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