mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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