I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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