yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
