I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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