I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
