your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
