I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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