I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
