So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize