awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
