Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
