I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
