I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize