He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
