bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.