The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.