Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(435): View more from Utah

Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

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(435): Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood http://tfl.nu/j2rr

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.

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(902): Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight. http://tfl.nu/0w7l

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(949): View more from California

You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.

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(949): You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food. http://tfl.nu/pk8x

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight

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(612): Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight http://tfl.nu/a290

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.

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(405): defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far. http://tfl.nu/t2l0

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(573): View more from Missouri

Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it

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(573): Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it http://tfl.nu/okq1

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(479): View more from Arkansas

He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.

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(479): He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave. http://tfl.nu/idj5

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

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(+44): Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/fnbb

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(720): View more from Colorado

Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.

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(720): Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too. http://tfl.nu/q191

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.

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(605): I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/f89d

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(585): View more from New York

Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up

(1-585): View more from New York

Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit

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(585): Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up (1-585): Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit http://tfl.nu/gck7

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(207): View more from Maine

I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.

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(207): I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose. http://tfl.nu/mchv

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(410): View more from Maryland

My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.

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(410): My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/noz9

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.

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(814): My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed. http://tfl.nu/4uwe

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.

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(610): spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN. http://tfl.nu/4bnj

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