she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie