were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover