and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
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I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.