Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
