My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.