Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So much puke
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You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.