I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.