one might say we're banned from that church
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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