She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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