Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize