i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
