Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
