Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
