thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
this hospital has no fireball
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
