If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
