I think I died a long time ago.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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