His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
