made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
