I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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