then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
whose ass print is on the piano?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
