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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I will rub McFlurries all over you.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He's the conductor of the struggle bus

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods

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• (714): View more from California

  She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux

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• (716): View more from New York

  Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression

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