And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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