I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
