I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
