I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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