the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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