i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
