Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
