I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize