saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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