I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
