Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
