My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
