I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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