If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
