I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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