I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How's work?
Spinning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
