No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
