the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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