You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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