...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
