I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
