FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
And then he peed in my hair
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